That Time I Was a Passive Bully

Ever have one of those days where your mind goes back to your childhood and you remember something that made you sad. The other day I was reminiscing about elementary school & remembered a classmate from the 5th grade. I’m actually kind of embarrassed about this, because there was a classmate that we were not kind to. It was a girl who had the typical grade school awkward challenges. She was picked on a lot. In today’s world she was bullied, but in the 80s, it was just “kids being kids”. (Sidenote: I’m thankful for the growth in society that calls it what it is, bullying, & no longer excuses bad behavior with colloquialisms.) Anyway, I didn’t directly bully her, but I also didn’t do anything to protect her. At the time, I felt really bad for how she was treated, but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my positioning to help her. What I remember most, is the guilt I felt when I didn’t stand up for her. At the time, I just felt bad, but now looking back, my conscience was speaking.

So what’s the point?

I don’t know what happened to that girl. I pray she is ok. I pray her heart has healed from the emotional pain I watched her endure. I also pray she forgives me for what I did NOT say or do. I realize now that being silent is just as hurtful as shouting insults. I have had to forgive myself for lacking the courage to speak up. I’ve also had to extend grace to myself because of my immaturity at the time. I’m sharing this story because often when we reflect on our lives, we remember things that make us feel shame or guilt. The solution is within reach:

1. Acknowledge what you have (or have not) done.

2. Recognize the harm that could have been caused.

3. Thank God for making you aware.

4. Forgive yourself and extend grace.

It’s not always possible or wise to try to reconnect with situations from the past, but if that is what’s necessary, ask Father God for guidance on how & when to do what needs to be done. I didn’t realize this was weighing me down. Thank God for His grace to show us things when we are ready to face them. The freedom on the other side of awareness is beautiful.